Something fishy is going on. For a while now, you’ve noticed some changes in your girlfriend’s behavior. She’s distant, busy and seems almost secretive. Is she cheating on you? Maybe. Don’t jump to any conclusions, but look for these warning signs from a relationship expert and dating coach Alex Wise. Alex is an internationally recognized relationship educator, Loveawake dating site co-founder and is frequently cited in major men’s and woman magazines, and relationship-focused web site.
Warning Level One
Warning Level One is often first indicators of cheating, but are just as often totally innocent. You don’t need to worry too much about any one of these but if you’re experiencing all of them…
Signs she’s cheating #1
She’s less affectionate
As unpleasant as it is to contemplate, she could be cheating because she’s lost interest, or she’s lost interest because she’s cheating. Either way, there’s no way she wants to be close to you. Disregard this sign if one or both of you have been ill recently.
Signs she’s cheating #2
She takes better care of herself
Now, this could happen for many reasons, from wanting to impress a new lover or keeping a New Year’s or birthday resolution to just sick of being the “jeans and sweatshirt girl” at work. Don’t rely on this evidence alone.
Signs she’s cheating #3
She spends no time with your friends and family
Where once she was down for a night of hockey with the boys or having coffee with your folks, she now avoids these engagements as much as possible.
Signs she’s cheating #4
You’re fighting more
This isn’t necessarily a sign of cheating either, you two could both just be extra stressed. On the other hand, your lady might be trying to justify her two-timing behavior by lashing out at you, picking fights so she can feel like you’re in the wrong, too.
Warning Level Two
These clues are a little less easily explainable and should cause you to pay a bit more attention to what she does.
Signs she’s cheating #5
She changes her schedule drastically
Since when does your girl have to work overtime every Saturday? Or go to the laundromat at 8 p.m. on Fridays? Or sign up for an early a.m. Pilates class when you know she hates morning traffic? Since she needed more excuses to get out of the apartment, that’s when. It’s not likely she’s doing it solo.
Signs she’s cheating #6
She starts using “I” not “We”
Somehow, all of a sudden, the two of you aren’t a unit anymore. She’s going out for dinner on her own, joining a book club, planning a cool mini-vaycay and buying new flatware. At one time, these would have been things you talked about and decided on together. You’re feelings don’t factor in anymore because she has mentally (and physically) opted out of your partnership.
Signs she’s cheating #7
Her friends act weird around you
Allow me the generalization of claiming that women find total secrecy a difficult thing to maintain. If she’s being unfaithful, chances are, your girl has told at least one close friend or family member about it. They, in turn, may have spilled the proverbial beans, or at least feel bad for you. If you notice her friends or relatives avoiding your eyes or acting generally nervous and awkward, it could be a sign that they know something they can’t tell you.
Oh, it might be a surprise vacation or birthday party for you, but your birthday wishes aren’t for six months and you’ve already been camping this summer…
Signs she’s cheating #8
She starts talking about “Dan”
She wants to talk about this new interest in her life – and you’re the most easily available ear. Colleagues and long lost buddies are a safe label for the lover she wants to discuss but can’t mention openly. It would be totally unreasonable, of course, for you to be suspicious of her socializing at work or rekindling a college friendship. Hell, you may even meet them if she’s brazen enough; but it probably won’t happen too often.
Warning Level Three
These signs are all fairly sure-fire ways to determine if you’re lady love is getting a little something on the side. If you notice one or more in conjunction with any of the above, assume the worst.
Signs she’s cheating #9
She has used lingerie you’ve never seen before
If you’re doing the laundry (like the excellent boyfriend you are) and you see a naughty nightie or some other “something more comfortable” that you don’t recognize – stop and ask yourself why it’s in the wash. Your lady probably feels guilty, and won’t be comfortable wearing the same special garments for both of you.
Signs she’s cheating #10
Non-existent sex life
Many women truly believe in fidelity and monogamy. If there’s a new man in her life that she feels seriously about, she won’t want to cheat on him with you!
Signs she’s cheating #11
She stops nagging
This just shows a lack of interest. Her energy is focused on lover boy now, and you don’t warrant the time and energy required to get you to take out the trash or scrape off the dinner plates. Console yourself with the thought that her new boy-toy is being hassled about the wet towels on the bathroom floor.
Signs she’s cheating #12
She Gets Defensive
This is her guilt tipping you off. She’s obviously working hard to cover up her misdemeanors and resents that you’re making it more difficult. It’s possible that in her mind, she’s been driven into another man’s arms, and also possible that she’s so afraid to tell you what she’s up to that any suspicion on your part, real or imagined, sends her into panic mode.
Is she cheating on you?
Remember: regardless of how many warning signs you’re seeing, do not jump to conclusions. They could all possibly be perfectly innocent or maybe just signs that she’s losing interest. Choose your plan of action carefully, but don’t be left the fool. Confront her, present her with your evidence and either work it out or move on. There are lots of other, less faithless, fish in the sea.