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8 Tips for Reconnecting with Old Friends

old friends

You know the feeling: you’re great friends with someone, and then suddenly, you aren’t. Maybe they moved away, or perhaps you had a fight. Or maybe you just grew apart. 

Whatever happens, life moves on. Until you’re doing something or you see something and suddenly you think of that person you used to be friends with. You wonder how they are doing, and where they are. 

So, you decide to reach out to them. Unfortunately, this isn’t always an easy task. It can be awkward trying to talk to someone you haven’t spoken to in years, and on top of that, it can be hard to track them down. Luckily, it’s not impossible. We’re here to share some tips for reconnecting with an old friend. 

1. Find Them

The first step, of course, is to find a way to contact them. Sometimes this is easy. You might still have their number, or perhaps you follow each other on social media. Alternatively, if you have any mutual friends, you can ask them to put you in touch. 

However, if you have had no contact with them and you don’t even know where they are, things can get a bit tricky. Luckily, websites like Instant Checkmate can help you. 

2. Think about your reasons for reaching out

It’s important that you make sure you are reaching out to someone for the right reasons. Remember that there is a reason your friendship ended in the first place. If you do reach out to them, you need to be certain that you won’t end up getting hurt.

You shouldn’t reach out to old friends just because you’re lonely – rather try to meet new people. You also shouldn’t reach out to them to brag about your life, because it’s not a competition. 

3. Message them

Once you’ve found them, it’s time to message them. Messaging someone you haven’t seen in a while can be incredibly anxiety-inducing for some people. This is especially true if the friendship ended on bad terms. 

That being said, if you truly want to reconnect with this person, you need to take the next step. If you simply drifted apart, a simple, “Hi, how are you?” might do the trick. 

If there’s more to it than that, you might want to clear the air and talk to them about how they’ve hurt you. You can then start on a clean page. 

4. Manage your expectations

When we meet up with old friends who we haven’t seen in a while, we often tend to think that things will go back to how they were. While this is sometimes the case, more often than not, things will be different. 

After all, you’ve both changed, grown, and evolved, so your new friends will look different than the ones you used to have. You also need to prepare yourself for the possibility that you might just not get along anymore. 

5. Arrange a meeting

Once you’ve chatted a bit, you can ask them if they’d be willing to meet up (if they live nearby, of course). It’s important to choose something appropriate to do. 

Ideally, you would meet at a place where you could talk and catch up a bit. The first meeting may be a bit awkward, so having coffee is a good idea because it won’t last too long. You can also meet up at a social event so that there is less pressure. If you are meeting them close to their birthday, be sure to give them a card with some of these birthday quotes.

6. Start small

While it may be tempting to jump right back into the friendship and pick up where you left off, that’s not always a good idea. You will likely feel like you have a lot of lost time to make up for, but that doesn’t mean that you and your old friend should suddenly go on a week-long trip. 

Start small, with coffee. If that goes well, make a plan to have lunch, then dinner. Reconnecting with an old friend is very similar to making a new friend because your friend will not be the same person that they were when you knew them, so you need to get to know them all over again. 

7. Come up with conversation topics

As mentioned, it can be a bit awkward to meet up and reconnect with an old friend, especially if you haven’t seen each other in years or you had a fight the last time you saw them. 

After the initial small talk, you may find that the conversation can be a bit stilted. Don’t stress; this is entirely natural. You both have probably changed a lot, so you might not have as many things in common anymore. 

It’s a good idea to have a few conversation starters on hand in case there is an awkward silence. You can click here for some inspiration. 

8. Focus on the present

The biggest mistake people make when they reconnect with old friends is that they get caught up in the past. All they want to talk about is the good old days. 

While it is a lot of fun to reminisce about those years, it shouldn’t be all that you talk about. You should also be interested in the person that your friend has become, and their current interests. Otherwise, you’re living in a memory.

You need to allow your friendship to keep the good parts, but also to grow into something new, and that can only happen if you focus on the present. 

In conclusion:

While most friendships end for a reason, there are many reasons for people wanting to reconnect with old friends. Sometimes, this can end up being disappointing. This is most commonly true if both of you have changed so much that you have nothing to talk about. 

But other times, it can be great to reach out to an old friend. You already know them, but now your friendship can grow to a new level. It can be tricky at first, and hard to navigate, but it can be a worthwhile thing to try. 

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